


The Spirit in the night

by novicescribe



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 13:22:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5628094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novicescribe/pseuds/novicescribe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Envy's always been so sure of himself: he hated humans for being puny, inconsequentual little creatures. Getting rid of them was actually a favour to them. But was it really? A man's worth is to a large extent determined by his enemies, and Envy sees his fate changing at the hands of an annoying little pipsqueak. Is it possible that the runt understood him better, than he himself? Is it possible that Ed can salvage a homunculus to the cause of defending people instead of killing them?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The eyes of thy foe, mirrors

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [That Voiceless Cry](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1658615) by [erbby17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/erbby17/pseuds/erbby17). 



> I don't really know what got me with this pairing, but I certainly feel a powerful vibe to it. This story - the closest to actual yaoi I've written yet - is the result of my newfound fascination. I hope I've managed to get through some of the excitement between the words.
> 
> Naturally, all rights belong to their respective - and respected - owners. Otherwise I wouldn't have to include this disclaimer.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During an encounter with the homonculus Envy, Edward Elric decided to use psychological means to defeat his opponent. His attempt turns out to be surprisingly effective, neither of them being able to get rid of the consequences easily.

It was dark, really dark. So much that it could have blinded a person, were it not for the stars up on the sky, shining like beacons. The street lamps were out, probably due to having been neglected. ‘Huh, typical.’ Amestris was supposed to be a tightly run military state where under the benevolent guidance of Fuhrer-King Bradley everything went smooth and well, and like every tightly run military state it was overcentralized, corrupt and incompetent when it came to providing for the basic needs of the people. Though it was also possible that this was part of the **plan** as well, after all what could provoke people to rebellion more surely, than taking away every daily comfort from them?

The air was cold, it was early spring only and the hilt of winter still haven’t lifted from the land to let, more than the toe of spring take over. The night was quiet, and dark but it surely has not lacked a certain spirit – thanks to the man, soundly snoring on the other side of the bed.

Edward Elric caressed his fingers once more over the blurry features of his acquaintance. The skin felt very smooth, and somewhat soft as he ran his fingers over it. ‘Quite the work of art.’ he thought as a gentle feeling of warmth swept over his heart. That suddenly frightened him. After all, this was quite serious. He had done things that took courage in the past, fighting terrible enemies, monsters, saving people’s lives. And that after the horrible day when he and Al tried to transmute their mother. They surely didn’t have a long childhood. Still, this was something new, an untrodden ground.

‘More like a minefield.’ he thought with malice. True, there was no telling where this all would lead. He might end up ruining everything they have been working for together for years. He might end up hurting his comrades. Dr. Marcoh, Scar, Winry…even that idiot, smug, arrogant and pushy colonel, Mustang. And most of all, he _was_ risking the quest he put his life on: getting his brother the body back that Alphonse lost because of _him._ They had to make things right, no matter what. That was their agreement. And yet, he went out of his way, for reasons he himself even didn’t understand at all, and decided to trust that guy, an arch-enemy.

That night three months ago, when he came to Ed there was nothing strange at first. He expected a fight, just like always. But it wasn’t like that. Well…not exactly. He was getting called ‘pipsqueak’ and ‘runt’ over and over again, just as usual, and they fought, as they should have. Nothing strange about that. But after a while he noticed that the superior boasting was only a veil concealing the true intentions of his opponent. He fully expected a trap, but then again. No one won something great without running risks. So he decided to pretend to have fallen for the trap and engaged in a conversation. That also left him free to catch his breath during the pause. ‘Just what do you want?’ he asked.

He didn’t expect a really informative reply, but he got one, and a straightforward one at that. ‘I want justice!’ the other sneered. Ed was puzzled. ‘Justice for what?’ he asked without even considering his intention with posing the question. ‘Justice for you humans being everywhere! Justice for you ruling everything without a worthy opponent. Justice…for all the things you have and no one else has!’ That moment he understood. He was giving a lot of thought in the past to the matter of why exactly his opponents were fighting for. In _that guy_ ’s case it never was quite clear. Like a puzzle, with the giant central piece missing. And now he got it. ‘So, it is like this.’ he thought.

‘So you are jealous of our happiness?’ he asked. ‘Shut up you, runt!’ the other one screamed. Ed easily dodged the kick that was meant to disable him. ‘Hah, how pathetic.’ he said. ‘Don’t you look dare down on me, pipsqueak!’ the other replied in anger. Then, switching to a distinctly superior tone continued: ‘You don’t have the size for it.’ Ed felt the anger boiling up inside him. However, he decided to let a ‘size-taunt’ slip. On this one occasion. ‘You! You all act like sullen children, resentful that mommy and daddy didn’t buy you the candy you cried for.’

Ed was actually angry, but for a different reason, than remarks about his height. That person right there did unspeakable things because he was too much of a kid to face his own feelings and take responsibility for them. ‘Shut up!’ he heard the shouting, which he steadily ignored. ‘You don’t have the guts to admit to yourself what you are longing for, so you’re filling the void with the misery and taken lives of others!’ That actually shut his opponent up. He looked…dazzled. ‘Just grow up and take responsibility for your feelings and dreams and be ready to fight for them, or you will never have them! You don’t deserve them! Not, until you defeated your own weakness first.’

The words rang as flaming indictments, each burning into the mind and heart of the guy standing opposite. He thought of it. Could it be that the pipsqueak was actually right. Could it be that what he truly wanted was to have what the humans had? Could it be that he would desire such pathetic ballasts as family, friends, work, country, land…love? No, it was impossible. He _was_ a homunculi and his kind didn’t work like that. Greed, yes. He might have wanted all that, if on no other account, than because they were in the possession of others, but not of him. But he? Then he looked over the field at the little runt, standing resolutely, cape blowing in the wind. His eyes were like piercing spears, reaching to his weak point without actually materialising physically. He was utterly confused, and even angrier. That was however no state to fight in. He could have turned his anger into lashes, whipping the boy, but not while he was this disoriented. His disorientation wouldn’t have mattered either, were it not for the anger, pulling him in one definite direction. Should he give in and attack, he would probably make a slip, fail to pay attention to detail and make a fatal mistake. He couldn’t risk that – he told himself. So he ran.


	2. Holding thy own reflection.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Envy cannot stand the assailant voices in his head. It's all that damn pipsqueak's fault! When he finds Ed, trying to force him to make the voices stop things go in a different way, than he imagined.

He ran, and ran for hours, not from anything in particular, but it felt like he was running from everything. ‘Damn, that little dwarf!’ he cried as he squat. Tears came flowing down from his eyes as little rivers and his heart was pounding as it if was definitely determined to kill him. Not if that would matter – he’d just come back. He didn’t understand why any of this was happening. ‘I _will_ crush the life out of that pipsqueak! _Then_ we’ll see which one of us is the kid!’ Yes, he was determined to take everything from that bastard. He became much more, than a nuisance with this. That’s how he felt and that’s what he resolved to do.

Days went by, and weeks after that, the sun rising, the sun setting. The same motions all the time. And it all felt more and more empty as the plan neared completion. However hard he tried to shut it with the sound of explosions, music and shedding blood, he couldn’t get rid of the brat’s voice. ‘ _You don’t have the guts to admit what you are longing for’_ rang in his head. ‘Wh-hy, damn you!’ he hit the crates near him, smashing them to pieces. It didn’t help. Nothing did. And the voice was deafening. _‘Just grow up and take responsibility for your feelings and dreams or you will never have them!’_ After that going on for sufficient time he decided to seek out the problem at its source. He sneaked out one night, looking for his tormenter. ‘We’ll settle this once and for all.’ Sure, he wasn’t supposed to kill him, but he wouldn’t do that. It was enough to make him stop the voice in his head, and the kid had given him a golden opportunity by coming to Central City where Pride could easily track him down. However, that didn’t exactly go like he planned…

Edward stood up from the bed, leaving his companion to the rippling waves of sleep. He pulled on his underwear, then stepped up to the window, looking out. It was quite the extraordinary night. He was completely surprised when the guy came to him suddenly again two weeks ago. He was screeching and screaming, yelling and shouting about some voice in his head and that Ed had to put a stop to it, or else…It didn’t make any sense. But after some fighting he noticed how disoriented his opponent was. There was an elemental strength in his strikes, but Ns alone were not enough in any fight. One needed some finesse as well.

As much as he was focused on eye-to-eye combat, Ed thought that his opponent had some of it. Until this time, when he attacked with savage-like brutality. ‘Could it be?...’ Ed thought, not finishing the line in his mind. He saw an opening, and he took it. Ed threw him on the ground, sitting up on his back, holding his arms firmly. ‘Just what the hell is this about?’ he demanded. ‘Please, just let me be right.’ – he thought. He was taking a grave risk there. True, the one tightly pushed to the floor was under strict orders not to kill him, but in the state of mind he was in right now, there were no guarantees.

‘Let me go! It’s all your fault!’ his victim screamed. ‘You put all this nonsense into my head. Just stop it!’ He was like a fish in the land, squirming helplessly. Ed was thankful that his empathy and understanding of people didn’t let him down this time. ‘Alright.’ he said. ‘But stay put. No more fighting.’ The other one nodded slowly in agreement. Ed gently released the arms he held up sat down on the floor. The one in front of him followed suit, now facing one another.

‘So?’ he demanded.

‘There’s nothing to stop your heart aching with guilt. Trust me.’ Ed answered in a monotone, resolute voice.

‘Don’t give me that crap, brat!’ the other one shouted, reaching out to grab Ed. The latter however was fully prepared for such a move, and gave a strong knock on the bump with his right arm. ‘Now, would you just stop and listen to me?!’ he shouted back. ‘Violence doesn’t solve everything, it cannot build, only destruct.’ he said. The one in front was about to open his mouth to object, but Ed didn’t give him the chance.

‘There’s nothing to be done to erase the guilt of your sins.’ he said. ‘You can only hope to live long enough to make up for part of it.’ That was not the answer his partner wanted to hear. ‘However, if you are trying really hard, you might be rewarded with some gratitude along the way.’ he concluded.

‘Alright.’ the other one answered. ‘I am out of here. Thanks for nothing.’ He was about to stand up and leave abruptly, but Ed pulled him back through his arm, actually getting crushed by the weight of the seemingly thin one. He felt rather uncomfortable in that position, but he already had gone a long way and there was no turning back. Besides, if he managed to somehow pull intel out of this guy or even gain him as an ally – an untrustworthy one for sure, but still one less fighter on the enemy’s side – that would make their tasks a lot easier, and may even end up saving many lives. So he continued. ‘Whatever it takes.’ he thought.

He locked his left hand into the other’s. ‘And you don’t have to do it alone.’ he whispered. That one lonely sentence seemed to carry the weight of a mountain. Ed didn’t understand why, but it felt as if he had other reasons, something lurking beyond the surface of his entirely plausible and so far unquestioningly accepted logical reasoning. It felt…right. Envy was swept away by the momentum of the moment. He never expected to be so helpless, so much at the mercy of someone. Especially that brat. He instinctively leaned forward to forge the link stronger. In the fire of the kiss that followed, he succeeded, Ed’s lips serving as the anvil and Envy’s as the hammer. The rest – as they say – is history. They’ve done with passion what countless have done before them – and would do after – and followed the uncertain path laid before them by the unintelligible waves in the depths of their chest. Their souls – if Envy had one – entangling. Two joined in one, one parted in two.


	3. 'All is one, one is all.'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In bed with the enemy. Literally. That's a though situation to deal with, though Ed had his reasons. Or so he thought. After he loses sight of Envy he doesn't know if any of it was real and how to deal with it. Could it be that only his fantasy was playing with him?

There was a flash, sudden like a thunder and intense like. It was vicious, intense, dangerous, yet gleaming with a beautiful brightness that could not have failed to reach the depth of any sensitive person’s soul. Ed’s soul. ’It’s not unlike the one in the bed.’ he thought. That thought dispelled most of his worries, replacing them with a weird sense of joy. The knowledge itself – however one looked at it – was still pretty incomprehensible. Still, Ed couldn’t be but happy about it. He turned his head to take a look upon the bed. It was empty. But how? How could it be? He was right there only a moment ago! He…he couldn’t have just imagined it. No, no, that was way overboard. Only someone with an extremely wild and obnoxious fantasy could imagine that kind of thing, especially without being aware. He crossed his arms over his chest, grabbing the underneath of his limbs with his hands. His arms were trembling and his jaw quivering. A knot formed in his stomach, hurting. He felt the places where they touched burning. He recalled the warmth of his breath, the sensation of their lips joining together. The taste of tears in his mouth. Both his and the other’s. And he remembered the excitement of joining, of opening himself up to someone to a degree he never thought possible before.

And now it all looked like a dream, as if they never happened. As if his sick mind was playing a game on him. After all the years he endured, the pain and loss…Well, it certainly was a possibility. He’s been told by people time and again that he must have had an iron spine to endure. Yet, he did, with his heart and mind still complete, and at his disposal. He endured for the sake of finding atonement, and for the sake of Al. Or so he thought. He jumped on the bed in a near-state of panic. ‘Envy! Envy!’ he called out. ‘Answer me dammit! Where the hell have you gone to?!’ Ed’s voice resonated in the dark with despair and a flavour of pleading. There was however no reply coming. He lit the candle on the cabinet near the wall and looked around. He looked under the bed. Nothing. He looked in the cupboard. Nothing there. Then he ripped open the door and looked in the corridor. Nothing there either. Plus, he should have heard someone coming or leaving, as the decks were rather squeaky due to a neglect of maintenance. Just like his arm. At least Winry was not here to see it. She’d totally kill him. ‘Idiot. Like if that was your gravest concern right now.’ he scolded himself. He couldn’t be sure of course that Envy didn’t leave through the corridor and down the stairs. But that was the worst part of it. There was no certainty.

Ed stepped back into the room and closed the door behind him. He sat down on the bed, putting the candle down on the cabinet. He sat there for a moment, trying to figure what to make of the situation. He just didn’t want to believe it. Logically speaking, there were two possibilities: either he merely hallucinated the whole issue or Envy left without saying as much as a word. He couldn’t quite decide which one filled him with more anxiety. Though if he had barely hallucinated the whole thing it would at least spare him the problem of explaining to his brother and the others what he was doing with a homunculus. What they were doing…’NO WAY!’ Ed’s face turned bright red as he yelled out. No, it was definitely simply a dream, a very bad dream. There was no way something like that could occur for real. He’d better lose his mind, than to actually go i

nsane. Really, for how on Earth could he have done such a thing? Envy was a homunculus, with who knows how many human souls sacrificed to bring him to life. Worse, he didn’t have a soul and what psyche he had was probably dominated by a pretty much ugly emotion. Oh, and he happened to have killed some people, some Ed instances witnessed, some he could only guess at. Not to mention that he was part of a plan to turn all the country into a giant one-time ‘grant-a-wish’ recycling machine for that bearded bastard. Just like all the homunculi were parties to that merry party. Yes, if there was something resembling pure evil in this world, then they were. Those eyes however…the violet in them seemed quite serene and honest. Besides, it was not in Envy’s character to pull such an act. He loved deception for sure, but he couldn’t have stopped himself bragging about his genius plan or making a tiny slip that would have betrayed him after a while. Then again…’Oh, come on! Just snap out of it, idiot!’ Ed shuddered. It was all pointless. Extremely pointless. He decided to drop the matter. If he continued like that, he’d get no sleep at all, which would be the worst-case scenario definitely.

He’d thrown off his cape on the side of the bed, the empty side, then turned on his stomach, pulling the sheets upon himself. He pressed his nose close to the pillow he held with his arms, and took a deep sniff. He half-expected it to have a distinct, telling scent. The scent was distinct, but no evidence to anything. His fingers unintentionally – indeed, unwarrantedly – clawed through the mattress’ surface, searching for anything that could prove that he was not hallucinating. A piece of ripped cloth (that wouldn’t have been a surprise), or perhaps a hair. Nothing. ‘Annoying…’. He sighed, deciding to finally give up. No point sweating over it. He closed his eyes, but he had a feeling that sleep would not come to him. The events of the past hours that he thought he remembered played over and over again in his mind, like a reel. What a mess. That night Edward Elric didn’t have much sleep.

He woke up to the piercing sunlight, coming through the window, right on his eyes. A fresh breeze of air blew through the window he left open last night, bringing the scent of spring with it. ‘Huuuh’ Ed yawned as he struggled to keep his eyelids open. Geez, who wanted to wake up anyway? After about 14 minutes (“just five more minutes please”, “ugh, five more minutes!”, “but really, this five more and I’m okay” “minus 1 minute, I’m getting tired of prevarication”) he managed to sit up in the bed. After moving his arms around in the air for a while he was confident enough that he was fully awake, so he threw off the sheets of his legs and steeped out on the wooden decks. He looked out of the window, observing the city, bustling with energy afresh, renewed by a night of sleep. ‘Right.’ he thought with circles under his eyes.

He pulled up his pants as he sat down on the bedside. ‘I wonder what Al and the others are doing.’ he thought. ‘I should head out and rendezvous with the team.’ He will have some explaining to do, some explaining he totally didn’t look forward to. But as last night’s events had a dream after all – he decided – and thus Envy out of the picture it would definitely be much easier. At that point his stomach signalled that it warranted his attention. Ed suddenly felt energized, finally having something to look forward to during the day, something definitely cheerful. He quickly pulled on his socks and boots, then his shirt and coat as well. He should hurry, if he wanted to get the best bacon in the restaurant nearby. ‘Hmmm.’ saliva already started to pour into his mouth in quantity at the image of such a delicious meal waiting for him. He quickly reached over to the other side of the bed, to pick up his cape, when he spotted something curious. There was a dark kind of streak on it. At closer inspection it turned out to be something else. Ed could hardly believe his eyes and for some baffling reason he felt really happy. It was a dark hair, just like the one he remembered.

‘Got ya!’ he said, holding it closely in his fist. ‘Spirit in the night.’     


End file.
